Articles by DannysNotHere
Nedroid of Nedroid Dot Com wrote two hundred bad three-panel comic strips in less than twelve hours and posted them at Cracked Dot Com. So what did YOU do with the last twelve hours? Man, I'll tell you what I did, my roommate and I had rented a U-Haul pickup to move his stuff into our new place, so then me and my boyfriend drove it out to Wendy's for some midnight burgers, and then we went to make a grocery run but Stop n Shop had closed a half-hour earlier, while we were right across the street ordering our food! It was pretty funny.
But not as funny as these comic strips! I went ahead and tested all 200 of them for you and I can guarantee that they are one hundred percent funny. Well okay more like 95%. Look, it's still way funnier than The Wizard of Id, all right? Anyway enjoy.
200 Comics In Under 12 Hours [Cracked]
[via: Gawker]
Artsy indie- horror/action- blockbuster director Guillermo Del Toro, who according to IIMDB may or may not be helming The Hobbit, The Hobbit 2, Doctor Strange, At the Mountains of Madness, and an original project entitled 3993, has announced one more picture he might direct if he gets the time (i.e., if the Hobbit pictures go to another director, and the money for the Lovecraft picture doesn't come through):
But I'm starting to sketch one more, perhaps final, little movie about childhood and horror. It's called Saturn and the End of Days. It's about a kid named Saturn watching the Rapture and the Apocalypse while on the way back and forth from the grocery store. It's like, what would happen if the Apocalypse was viewed by you [while] doing errands. You go back and forth and nothing big happens except the entire world is being sucked into a vortex of fire.
Sounds pretty awesome. Actually, reminds me a little of the premise of
The Mist, whose combination of horror and wonder Del Toro admired so much. I'm gonna cross my fingers that
At the Mountains of Madness gets backers
(is there some fund we can contribute to, to make this movie happen? Guillermo, I'ma PayPal you $5, k?), and I'd love to see
The Hobbit, but lord knows this religiously tinged domestic horror is just what our favorite Mexican auteur does better than just about anybody. Go Guillermo!
What's Guillermo Del Toro's Mysterious New Project?! - Ain't It Cool
Do it! Do it do it do it.
You may know Matthew Dessem as the boy behind The Criterion Contraption, the excellent and amusing (unofficial) Criterion Collection blog, where he became the first person in history to say something interesting about a Michael Bay film. So he knows a thing or two about trash cinema!
Not surprising, then, that he has listened closely to the ravings of widely reviled fauxteur Uwe Boll and managed to find a kernel of sense. Said Boll, in response to petitions that he stop making movies (WARNING: the following is mostly incoherent):
You are on your own responsible that you don't make movies. . . . And you can come up with cheap excuses you have, why you never make it, like why you are not able to make more [than] your mini dv videos at home with ketchup and your little brother. . . . And if you write me, you don't write me with some (censored) nicknames out of the internet. Write me with your name and address so that I can track you down and rip you apart. Thank you.
So Dessem goes, wait a minute, he's right! Sort of. If Uwe Boll can make movies, can't
anybody make movies? Why aren't
you making movies?
Hence: the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge! "To compete in the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge," says Dessem, "you must create a short film that meets the following guidelines:
- It must be made at home.
- You must use ketchup.
- You must use a little brother.
- You must not use some (censored) nickname out of the internet.
- You have until May 16th."
Brilliant. Full contest rules
here. Let's make this happen, dude. Are you with me?
The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge
[via: Criterion Contraption]
Too often, perceptions of people living with HIV are filtered through the disease. So here's photographer Wayne Martin Belger, making that distortion literal with Untouchable (HIV), a pinhole camera that gazes through the liquid filter of HIV+ blood pumping through its works.
Whoa.
Gimmicky? Exploitative, maybe? I was still a little skeptical when I saw this steampunky little device. Burdened with all that conceptual weight, it starts to seem a little... precious. But look at the pictures he takes with it! If the concept is reminiscent of Andres Serrano's body-fluid photos, the pictures that result manage to evoke the unlikely reverence of Serrano's most controversial image.
While you're at it, check out Belger's other camera/sculptures and photos here. Gnarly, morbid, sensational.
[via: BoingBoing]
Springtime is here! The Easter Bunny has come and gone, and you know what that means: everybody has more of those horrible little marshmallow Peeps lying around the house than they know what to do with.
It also means that the Washington Post has an delicious gallery online of their second annual PEEPS SHOW, a diorama contest starring an all-marshmallow-peep cast! Go now to Peeps Show II to cast your vote for "Peeps Idol," Marion Barry in "Peep Set Me Up," "Peep Art," "No Country for Old Peeps" (pictured) or any of the 33 other peep-o-rama finalists.
Your dentist will thank you.
Peeps Show II [Washington Post]
[via: Defamer]
Wow! I guess now we know
who needs a movie. Introducing the McCain Girls, three ladies who have turned the world's most gay-friendly disco anthem into a campaign song for the most gay-unfriendly candidate in the final three. I almost cannot admit how much I love this. Maybe this fall, instead of peace and human rights, I will vote for garment-obliteratingly bad chromakey effects!
[via: BoingBoing]
Well hello! So, my theme today is WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?? This is possibly the best Julie & Jackie video yet. I was a fool not to subscribe to these ladies' YouTubes, and now I'm an entire month behind on hilarity.
In the latest installment of Welcome to Our House, everyone's second-favorite washed-up soap stars, Natalie Hammer and Nina Hammer-Ortiz-Bin Laden present a guide to love and romance. I think it's safe to say you're sure to find the man of your dreams by following their simple dating tips. (Language probably NSFW.)
A hypocritical politician. A sexual peccadillo. A public toilet. No, it's not The Larry Craig Story! It's the plot of Paul Walker's Ladies & Gents, a new play now being performed in the unpleasant bathrooms of Bethesda Terrace at New York's Central Park.
New to these shores, anyway. According to CBS 3 News, the forty-minute play made quite a splash in European toilets, and a run in New York City was the logical next step after the runs in Great Britain and Ireland. Lame puns aside, the play actually sounds pretty interesting. Ladies & Gents, a thriller, consists of two simultaneous acts--one in the men's room and one in the ladies'--with the audience switching places at intermission.
The play runs three times nightly starting at 7:00 from now till March 29. I really, really, really hope it's the most fun you ever have in a Central Park restroom.
[via: News of the Weird]
Guess who's about to show off a gnarly new set of wheels? That's right, it's His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI! But no, I don't mean his pimped-out new Popemobile--get with the times, kid! I'm talking about the Papal Skateboard!!
You heard me. The Archdiocese of New York has announced a contest to design the Official Papal Skateboard, to be presented to the Pontiff on the occasion of his April visit to the U.S. of A. If you're between the ages of 11 and 18 and live in the aforementioned Archdiocese, you can submit your design here! (Gallery of entries here.) Contest guidelines, according to the Catholic blog Domini Sumus:
Contestants are limited to the use of only four (4) colors: Papal Gold, Black, White and Red. One winner will be determined by a panel of judges based on creativity and originality. The use of symbols such as the Papal Visit Logo, Papal Crest, and the motto "CHRIST OUR HOPE" are highly encouraged. The winner's design will be used to decorate the convex side (bottom side) of the Papal Skateboard.
The winner will also receive three (3) free passes to the Youth Rally, where the Pope, no stranger to Youth Rallies, will receive the 'board. His Holiness will then ride the skateboard down a specially constructed Papal Half-Pipe, and perform a Papal 720 while blessing the crowd.
Okay, that last part I made up. But you have to admit, it would be pretty awesome, no?
[via: WFMU's Beware of Blog]
World War II Luftwaffe veteran Horst Rippert has just discovered, more than half a century after the fact, that he was personally responsible for the death of his favorite writer, French pilot Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
According to the Mail on Sunday, a biographer of Saint-Exupery discovered the terrible link between the novelist, who published The Little Prince and seven other books, and the now 88-year-old former flying ace. Said Ruppert:
If I had known it was Saint-Exupery, I would never have shot him down. I loved his books. I knew he was a French pilot, but he was probably my favourite author at the time. ...I am shocked and sorry. Who knows what other books he would have gone on to write?
Who knows, indeed? Beyond
The Little Prince, Exupery's work is barely known outside the French-speaking world. Perhaps he had another masterpiece in him, another book that would please and enlighten us the same way his most famous book has done.
It's an ugly story, and a bitter irony. And, you know, I'm starting to think that whole Third Reich thing was just a rotten idea. But I'm tempted to some ugly, ugly cynicism here. Like, anybody who shoots down 28 people, as Ruppert managed to do, is bound to be killing somebody's hero--might as well be his own...?
Ugh. Sorry.
War is a lousy business, y'all. Everybody knock it off.
How a German wartime flying ace discovered he shot down his hero [Mail on Sunday]
[via: Gawker]
What's creepier than an amusement park at night? How about the abandoned amusement park of a strange, lonely man--an entertainer decades past his prime--deformed by cosmetic surgery, and rocked by scandal and failure to the point of auctioning said amusement park off to the highest bidder! Is that creepy enough for you?
Okay great! Then you'd better check out these haunted nighttime photos taken inside Michael Jackson's private fantasy world, the Neverland Ranch. Geographer Jonathan Haeber of Bearings managed to get inside the private kingdom of the former King of Pop to take some eerily beautiful pictures, in color and black and white, of this Disneyland gone ghost-town. (More at his Flickr page.)
Don't you feel a little chill looking at these pictures, as if a tiny, cold hand were reaching out to grab you from the dark...?
Then slap it and say, "NO, Michael!"
Sorry, had to go there.
Inside Neverland Ranch [Bearings]
Neverland [Flickr]
[via: Circus Hour]
Since Star Wars toys and replicas--and video post-production tools--are readily available enough by this point that it's basically possible for any home filmmaker to whip up a short Star Wars film indistinguishable in quality from the original, I think it's actually pretty impressive that these dudes managed to come up with such a remarkably cheap and amateurish-looking homage.
Behold! Star Wars, Sweded, a la Be Kind, Rewind. (My favorite is beerkeg R2-D2.)
Star Wars (Sweded): A Cardboard Hope [Chris Parrott]
via: BoingBoing
And girls who like girls who like stuff!
Clip of the Week
It was 1980 and disco was dead, but not in the UK!
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